In Soviet MI, Homeless asks you!

So in a backwards approach to finding answers, I ask all... like 5 of you who might be reading this for your opinion. Feel free to call me with it, post a comment, send an email... shoot, flare up some smoke signals if you think it prudent.

So Homeless digs a girl, who has expressed interest in him somewhat as well. He's already got a "date" with said girl, we'll call her... The Accountant. 

Before you ask, no, she's not really an accountant (But damn how much would that save me on Taxes if she was?)

So the Accountant enjoys NBA... specifically, the DT Pistons.

Homeless LOVES the Pistons. LOVES.

So said girl has agreed to a December Pistons game date with Homeless. Now comes the dilemma. Homeless could buy a regular seat, probably spend oh... 80 - 120 bucks for both tickets, and have a good time. Or he could be a badass, spend a lot more... I'm not going to say exactly how much, just a significant amount, and get seats that are courtside. Now this isn't a meal breaking amount of cash to me, just a pretty penny's amount really.

So the question is, Do I hedge the date and buy the safe seats up in the upper section, or go balls deep and get the awesome seats this girl has never had before, and make a hell of an impression, but also probably tip my hand that I want to bang her. (Seriously, why the hell else would I get her a courtside seat?)

Waiting for your reply,

Homeless.... in MI

[Zing. Rhyme points for me.]

Glorious sick-induced sex appeal

Now ain't that a title that'll kick you in the pants. Its really just to rope you into reading this. 

...Alright, so only mostly.

Homeless has an admission to make. He likes the bars. A lot. And not living right down the road from the bars has seriously put a damper on the ability to go to them. Elaboration: Homeless definitely can't get as plastered as he once did. To be frank its just not SAFE to drive intoxicated. Sure sure, the accident thing is always a risk, but I'm referring to Jailtime and the loss of a Driver's License. Two things that would severely hamper (Read: RAPE) my ability to drive. And it seems like a lotta people get arrested for DWI. Like these people in Long Island. 192 people got arrested there in ONE WEEK. Now granted, not all are for DWI, but quite a damn few are.

Poppycock Homeless says. I can't be affording no driving and massive fines. So that's right out.

My grand solution? Trying to drink less!! So far it seems to be working. I generally go out a LOT earlier (Like around 6 or 7pm until 9 or 10pm) so the crowd is LAME and I don't hang out. Really I just go to chat up my bartender comrades, who seem to make up a large portion of my friend population, or at least the ones I regularly see.

.... But inevitably I'll want to get schmammered and have a good time at the bar (Possibly meet a Lady) so that means I need a better plan.... and so Homeless takes one more step towards his namesake and will brave the Public Transportation System or as we in Lansing call it, CATA.

Now I don't know how many of you ride public Transpo. I recently had an encounter with it out in San Francisco. There, busses were clean, well maintained, and not too crowded (Though I did avoid them during rush hour). Here, in MI, the busses fit the state. Lansing busses are Crowded, dirty, and smell of stale vomit with a tinge of alcoholic urine. Windows are blackened by the soot and muck of people who have a natural avoidance to soap, and you're likely to get stabbed for looking at someone for more than 3 seconds. (God I wish I had a news story to link right there...)

But I digress... I'm gonna learn the damn bus routes so I can cart my ass from the apartment to Lansing on a Friday or Saturday night and get plastered, because that's the American Way! OR at least my American Way...

So moving on from my not so secret hobby of bar crawling leads me to the title of this entry. Which in fact has to do with bar crawling. Imagine that.

Lets have a free bit of Advice: "Don't finish your friends drink, even if they ask you to."

Why? GERMS! EVIL EVIL GERMS! Egads, one blackberry stoli and sprite later --> Homeless sounds like Vin Diesel. Perhaps I should expound on that. You know when Vin Diesel plays... a badass? Like Riddick from Pitch Black? The gravely sound? Yeah, thats Homeless right now. A raspy, gravel-pit inspired husk of my normal cheery self. 

... I'm digging it too. 

So apparently this acts like Spanish Fly to the women-folk of Lansing, without the nasty side effects like renal failure. Homeless got looks and nudges abound, and even some free drinks.

So perhaps the lesson is "Always finish your friends drinks when they could possibly give you a raspy voice sickness plague.... thing."

Or maybe I'm just clueless. 

Again my post is cut short by the need for work. But this time I have a secondary excuse. I also want to finish up this work assignment so I can go back to... the bars! 

What a silly existence I lead some days.

Take care of yourself

~H

How did this happen?

So. I said I would do a little background, and so I will. Sit down and get comfortable, this might take a little while. 

Previously, on Homeless in MI, I chattered about growing up in the cutest little shape of a mitten state in the good old U.S. of A.

... This is not a bragging right at all, I assure you. For as long as I can remember, I've really wanted to escape this state. Sure, as a kid I had delusions of adequacy and ideas about how I would make 250,000$ per year, but I'm finding that Reality has given me a little upgrade to my thought process. Recently, my plan was to buy a house for fairly cheap (75 Large), fix it up over a 5 year period, so the housing market would be on a (hopeful) upswing, and then sell it for what I paid, plus what I put in. The money I'd get out would pay for a relocation, plus a few months to get on my feet without having to worry about having a job lined up.

This was Homeless' plan, and a glorious plan it was. He bought the house, started fixing it up with some windows, a little paint here and there, even tossed in a new furnace. But then.... tomfoolery abounded! Slacker assclowns aka THIEVES robbed Homeless. Three times no less! 

.... Right, so the first time was just for a crummy lawn mower, but still! Three robberies, including two physical break-ins later, and Homeless thought maybe this hotshot plan wasn't so hot, and instead was a black hole into all of his time, money, and sanity was being sucked into faster than the Spears sisters were dropping off crotchfruit into our midst. 

So Homeless fled his house, leaving behind dog fur and trash, and proceeded to move into his current residence -- a small third floor flat in an unnamed complex. Its not as roomy, or as convenient, but he's not getting robbed either. 

So now here we are. A brief introduction into how I got to where I am. I'm probably about 90% moved in, and maybe 60% unpacked. Still some of my assorted life belongings floating about between houses and apartments, but I'll wrangle it all soon.

Where to from here. I don't really know. I think thats what I was saying this blog is all about. I'm hoping that sooner or later I'll make a plan that doesn't get flushed down the cosmic john, and maybe I'll even figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Still holding out for superhero... but that's been a long time coming. Blasted radio active spiders never show up when needed.

I have internet now in the apartment, so it won't be  a huge hassle to update this thing, but I'm keeping this post short. I've got a truckton of work to do for my job, and I have yet to start, so I'd best get cracking or else I really will be homeless. 

Take care of yourself.

~Homeless

What is this?

Right.

So I suppose I should begin with an introduction. David Copperfield style? I was born, I grew up? I guess we can do that. I was born in the state I reside in, a mid-sized Midwest state called Michigan. Don't let it's hand-warming, childhood memory recollection shape fool you. Michigan is a harsh land in which paying bills on time is a fleeting dream, and making ends meet is a puzzle of rubik's cube-esque intensity. I also grew up in this bizarre land of sledding and failed automakers. 

But that's not really what this exercise in self-indulgence is all about. I'm mainly doing this as a therapy technique. A small experiment to see if telling everyone who chooses to read all about my everyday existence will help out with a startlingly huge lack of an ability to plan for my future.

So, forgive my rampant narcissism, it may very well be necessary. I'll do my best to be entertaining while doing this all.

So... What to expect. I find that expectations that are not met can be the biggest deal breaker in life, so maybe laying out a few ground rules will be helpful in keeping any readership that I establish. 

We'll just do a bullet-point list of stuff that probably will occur neh?

• Regularity of posts: I'm unpredictable and unreliable. Not the best person to be starting a blog I know. I slack off, I forget things, and I lose interest more often than Hollywood starlets forget proper undergarments. But I'll give you my word I will try to keep this thing updated. How often I manage to do that remains to be seen, but we'll shoot for at least once a week ok? I think I can keep on top of that. No guarantees that I won't spam this thing 4 or 5 times in a day though...

• Profanity: I'm a profane boy in a conservative-founded nation. I swear. I make up entertaining insults. I'm in love with similes and metaphors that are PG-13 to R rated. Dirty jokes make up the majority of my flirtation techniques. But I will try to refrain from making this a Kevin Smith film. No such restrictions on your comments. You say whatever you fucking like. ^^;

• Types of Posts: Now usually a blog has a theme. Like... "I'm off at college, see my drama" or "I work in industry A, feel the excitement/pain/jesus what is the raptor doing here of my cubicle existence." Not so here. I don't doubt a lot of this will be an exercise of internet social masturbation/voyeurism as I ejaculate my life's entertaining stories for you all to see/judge/advise me on, but some of it might just be tidbits I find entertaining, or technical blurbs that I write to let you all know about/remind myself to look up later. Consider this more of an online notebook that is left open at a company front desk. I'm the attendant who writes down all types of random crap in it, and you're all visitors and employees who get to garner whatever you want from my digressions. 

• Layout and Setup: You probably recognize Blogger's standard old template. That's what I'm dealing with right now. As a tech geek (We'll get into me later), I hope to use this as a testing ground/training tool to get up on my web design. No idea how it'll end up, but it'll change over time.

Well... that's what... 4 little things? Lets start with those, and you all can let me know what else you want addressed. 

I'm not going to go to much into me, because hopefully I'll put all that along in the sidebar to the... what... Left of this post? I think its the left. If not, by George I'll make a sidebar on the left so that I'm not lying to you.

Oh! That's something.

• Honesty: Everything here will be the truth as I see it. What's that mean? It means I'm not going to jerk you around, or tell falsehoods. If I'm talking about something that's happened, I'm going to relate it how I saw it happening. Some of you might know me personally... shoot, some of you might be discussed in this. I'm apologizing in advance if this makes you feel slighted. Feel free to say so to me, via comment, email, phone, or a swift smack to the face when we next meet. (Please let me know why you hit me in the last case, lest I walk around terrified that its national "Smack Homeless" day.) That being said, I will practice "Blogomission". Blogomission is my word for the intentional leaving out of information in a public forum, such as names of parties, places, and things, editing out of confidential details, and other things of that nature. I'll let you know when I'm omitting, [Besides the names of people, who shall be referred to by cute monikers such as "Running Guy" or "Intoxicated Girl Homeless Likes (probably abbr. to IGHL)"] as well as giving a reason for the omission. 

So... Now we get to the meat of this. I'll answer two of my own questions, as well as open a small forum for you all, and then wrap this first post up.

"What's this blog about?": Again, I'm mainly making this as a therapy session to help me deal with a lot that's going on in my life. Hopefully it can grow into more than that, perhaps a method for you all to stay in contact with me, a way for me to meet people, maybe even a way for everyone to learn a little something I find on my internet excursions.  I don't really know yet, but that's why it's an experiment.

"What's the name about?": Homeless in MI might cause some concern. We'll address it right now. I'm not currently "Homeless" by the traditional definition. I have an apartment, I'm not being evicted (Yet. Let's work on keeping it that way too!), and I sleep in a relatively comfy bed each night. I eat when I can, I work when I stop procrastinating (like... after I finish this blog post!), and I try to pay the bills. I even shower regularly, Hooray for hygiene. So don't WORRY about me starving, or sleeping in a bag on a bench. Not happening anytime soon if I can at all avoid it. Instead the name is more of... a theory. An idea so to speak. I consider myself to have an apartment, a place of residence, but I no longer have a "Home." There isn't a place in Michigan where my metaphorical Heart resides, where I can "Hang up my Kangol" and put my feet up. I don't have that warm fuzzy place that makes me bright and shiny at the end of the day. So this blog is really about my pursuit of finding out how I can find that place again, in or out of Michigan. I hope you like the adventure. ^.- \/

And finally, my ASK Homeless section. No, it's not dear Abby. Well... I guess you can use it as such, but seeing as my life is topsy-turvy at all times, I don't know if I'd take my own advice. I see it more as a "What the hell do you mean by blah"... where "blah" is what you want to know about me, life, whatever. If you ask me a question in a comment, I'll do my best to answer it properly, or at the very least honestly, in my next post that isn't just a LFHP (Linked for Her Pleasure) post.

I think that's going to be it. I need to try to figure out how to get this public internet access point to work for me so I can get work done... so I can get paid and such.

I promise a post tomorrow, or maybe even tonight, to elaborate on what situations got to me to where I am, and where I'm going to try to go to from here. We'll call it Homeless History, or some other nonsense. 

Take care of yourselves. 

~Homeless